Devout followers of One Large Popcorn, Please! may remember a series of satirical news articles being shared last year. The articles in question were just a few examples of this author’s contributions to Player One News Gatherers, or P1NG for short, which offered comedic stories making light of recent, real-world happenings.
With yours truly having ceased his duties at Player One, and the cinematic world still in a state of flux, now seems as good a time as any to share the remainder of his work for the SYN programme. There are fewer yarns than those found in the previous blog post, but these ones are just as likely to produce a chuckle.
The first P1NG offering shared here was published in late March of 2020, a time when the COVID-19 pandemic had begun afflicting much of the globe. Members of the public were encouraged to stay indoors, which meant more time to play video-games but less to exercise outdoors. Thankfully, Nintendo had a solution… and promptly ran out of stock, much to the chagrin of one Ballarat resident.
The Sports division of Electronic Arts has adapted just about every recreational activity into a video-game, including basketball, golf, baseball, ice hockey, snowboarding, motorsport, cricket, and various codes of football. It therefore stands to reason that the lunchtime sport of Handball (otherwise called Four Square, or Downball) would be next to get the EA treatment, and there’s only one famous Handball player who could appear on the cover…
It just so happens that there’s another sport called Handball, and this one is vastly superior to the version that Australian schoolchildren are familiar with. And that information got this author hypothesising, “What would happen if Australia’s interpretation of Handball were introduced to the world? And, for that matter, would they even know who Kevin Rudd is?”
One of the very few blessings to come from the pandemic-induced lockdowns in this author’s homeland was the closure of gaming venues, which meant that chronic gamblers no longer wasted their money on poker machines. Yet there remained other avenues for people to appease their gambling habits, including one rather surprising source on the Nintendo DS.
The last P1NG article to be written and published by yours truly was gifted to the world in December 2020, not long after the launch of two new home consoles – both of which sold-out mere days after release. Knowing that many a child would be asking Santa Claus for either a PlayStation or an Xbox for Christmas, the thought occurred to this author of a panicked man having to queue with everybody else, and thus the article was written.
That’s all the satire to be offered for now; normal service should resume on One Large Popcorn, Please! next week.